Government to Phase Out Odd Numbers by 2020.

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Downing Street sources confirmed last night that the government plans to phase out odd numbers by the end of the decade.

Spokesman Andy Netherstain said in a press release: “It has long been felt that there are simply more numbers than are necessary. Doing away with odd numbers will, at a single stroke, reduce the number of numbers by approximately fifty percent. We don’t think anyone will miss them – after all the unlucky thirteen is an odd number.”

Opposition spokesman David Plumwipe condemned the plans: “This is just another idealogically driven attack on the most needy in society at a time when more people than ever are relying on the existence of odd numbers. I need hardly point out that nearly all prime numbers are odd. It’s simply outrageous. In any case, there will still be an infinite number of numbers, so nothing will have been achieved.”

Brian Leakage of the European Society of Quantity Surveyors told us: “I’m not sure why you’re asking me, to be honest, but I think the plans are unworkable. I, for one, will continue to use odd numbers at evey opportunity. Many of the quantities that I encounter in my day-to-day work are in odd numbers.”

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